A little background...
A few years ago, my OB-GYN referred me to a cardiologist because she heard a heart murmur. My husband and I were planning another child, so she wanted everything checked out before I got pregnant. I had been told at one point in my life that I had mitral valve prolapse. No biggie. I went to the appointment and the cardiologist, Dr. Collins (Denver's own "Cooking Cardiologist") confirmed that I did have mitral valve prolapse, but said he heard a "leaky valve" and wanted me to get an echo. I scheduled the echo, but later cancelled the appointment, as I found out I was pregnant with Lily. Fast forward to now....I have been working out alot. Cardio, weights, etc. Several weeks ago I was on the eliptical when I felt dizzy, hot and my heart fluttered. I decided that I should probably follow up with the cardiologist, even though it had been two years. Dr. Collins again said that I had mitral valve prolapse, but ordered a stress echo, because of my symptoms while working out.
In the past few months, I ignored the minor chest pressure and sometimes mild pain I would feel at random times. I wrote it off to a condition from working out, pulling a muscle, being tired, stressed with my kids, heartburn, etc. I figured the stress echo would be a waste of time and they would tell me that what I felt on the elliptical that day was just a normal thing.
I went to the stress echo feeling confident that all would be ok. I did great on the treadmill, even as they cranked up the speed and incline. Yes, I was huffing and pufffing and sweating. I remember making a mental note to do this type of workout the next time I was at the gym.
After the stress echo, I went back to my normal life. Working out, Body Pump, playing with the kids, getting stressed out at the kids, etc. On the Monday after the echo, Dr. Collins called to tell me that the echo was normal, but they found that I had an enlarged aorta and I had to have a cat scan.
So between Monday and Friday, when my cat scan was scheduled, I freaked myself into believing that I was going to drop dead from a ruptured aorta. Too much information on the Internet. Scary scary information.
Finally on Friday, June 12, I went back to South Denver Cardiology to have my CT scan. I was terrified, but felt hopeful. The scan itself isn't that scary. Basically I laid on a table and the tech put an IV in my arm, at the inside bend of the elbow. She inserted a catheter into my arm at this spot. She placed my arms above my head. The table did move back and forth, but I wasn't moving into a large tube. It moved under a large ring, rather than a tube. Occasionally, a booming computerized male voice would say "Breath" or "Stop Breathing". And twice, dye was injected into the catheter. As the dye was injected, I felt a warming sensation sweep over my body. The tech warned me that some patients say that they feel like they are peeing their pants. I did feel this sensation after the die was injected. The entire scan was probably less than 10 minutes.
After the cat scan, which I read somewhere equals the radiation of 200 chest xrays, the tech said that I would hear something on Wednesday. I figured since she had seen my pictures, she knew I was fine. If I was about to die of a ruptured aorta, she probably wouldn't have told me that the doctor would call on Wednesday, a whole 5 days later. Because I was starving from not eating since the previous evening, I headed to Subway. I was halfway into my turkey sub when Dr. Collins called my cell to tell me that indeed I do have a VERY enlarged aorta. I needed to have a regular echo right way. He also said that I'm likely going to need surgery SOON to repair everything.
I called my husband and tried to tell him what was going on, but I was sobbing hysterically. I figured right there that I was going to drop dead. I was thinking about John Ritter, who died after his aorta ruptured. Then I started thinking about having my chest sawed in half, being on a heart/lung machine, recovery, etc. Everything scary I could think about. I started to drive home and I was a few miles into C-470 when Dr. Collins called back. He said that he forgot to tell me to practice safe sex! Really, he called me back to tell me that it was safe for me to have sex, but to use a condom. It would be really bad for me to get pregnant at this time. I told him we were done having kids and that I wasn't about to have sex or do anything that would raise my heartrate. He said that I could come back now to have my echo, and that he would meet with me after.
I went back to the office where I was met at the door by Dr. Collins assistant, Amy. I was still weepy and scared and she took me right back to the echo tech. I saw my CT tech and she sat with me for a bit and brought out a stuffed "Beaker" doll from the Muppets. She said it was her "Dr. Collins" doll. It actually did look like my doctor, so I laughed.
Finally, a very nice woman named Robin came out to take me back to get the echo. Robin was awesome and told me everything she was doing, showed me my heart and the valves. This is the very first time I heard the term "bicuspid aortic valve." She showed me on the screen my aortic valve. Even my untrained eye could see that it had two spokes, not three. She also showed me the aorta as she measured it....5.2 centimeters. Very large. She told me a few stories about youngish people having to have valve replacements and aorta repair who are currently doing fine.
After my echo, I was taken to the office to meet with Dr. Collins. Molly, Dr. Collins' assistant came in to take my blood pressure and said, "You're too young for all of this." I couldn't agree more! Dr. Collins came in and Marlo conferenced into the call. Dr. Collins explained that I didn't have mitral valve prolapse, I had a bicuspid aortic valve. This birth defect may be to blame for the enlarged aorta. He said that because I have a small frame, to have a 5.2 cm aorta was just too dangerous. He said I would need a valve replacement and a an aorta repair surgery. I had to have a heart catheterization as a prep for the surgery. They have to make sure my arteries are in good shape. He also prescribed me beta blockers to keep my blood pressure low. I already have very low blood pressure, so he gave me the lowest dosage.
So there it was...open heart surgery. Just a few days before, I was doing chest presses and Body Pump, planning our summer road trip to Michigan and Canada. Now, I am ordered to take it easy until my surgery. Now, my life will never be the same. Instead deciding things like what to wear to my high school reunion, I have to decide what type of aortic valve I want.
I try not to think of the worst case scenario. Dying. Dying before I make it to surgery. Dying during surgery. Dying after surgery from infection. I try not to think about my little kids, Gabe 3 and Lily 19 months. If I die, they will never know me. They are too young to have any memories of me. I start to freak out that I should have been better about videotaping and cataloging photos, keeping journals of milestones, etc. Should I write them each a "final" letter? Part of me is happy that they are so young that they don't really understand the seriousness of what's happening. But then I get incredibly depressed to think about the fact that if I do die, they will grow up saying things like, "My mom died when I was a baby...I don't remember her."
I believe that the mind and faith is so powerful in situations like this. I HAVE to believe that all will be ok. I'll slowly recover, and we'll go back to making plans for the summer, and future summers. I am still scared, but I have to find a way to make myself believe that I will survive. I have to have faith in the doctors and nurses who will care for me. I have to have faith that I will survive. I have to survive for my kids and my husband and my family.
No comments:
Post a Comment