Day before surgery

Today I spent the entire morning at the hospital. I had some blood taken, an EKG, and went over my medical history for the millionth time. Marlo and I watched a video about what to expect before, during and after open heart surgery. The old, chubby guy in the video shared his experience with heart surgery and recovery. While I couldn't really relate to the guy, I was able to view what I'm going to experience in less than 24 hours. It made me cry. It's just so unreal that this is happening. We met with the nurse in charge of the ICU department and she talked to me about what will happen those first hours after my surgery. I will go directly to the ICU. I will have a breathing tube down my throat, an IV in my neck, one IV in each arm, a catheter for urine, and 2-3 chest tubes for draining any fluid that may accumulate in my chest in the hours after the surgery. I'll be heavily sedated, unable to speak, but able to hear and move my head or squeeze a hand. My heart and other functions will be continually monitored. I will have wires coming out of my chest so they can attach an external pace maker if needed. Once I'm stable and breathing on my own, they will remove the breathing tube. I hear this isn't very pleasant, but was told that I will not remember it. Marlo will be able to visit me for 5 minutes an hour, but again, I was told I will have no memory of it. The day after my surgery, I may be moved to a step down unit. I will have to sit up, do breathing exercises and walk everyday. Eventually, the chest tubes will be removed. The nurse said that this will hurt, but only for a minute or so. For the next three days, I'll be in this special unit of the hospital specifically for open heart patients. I'll be able to shower and walk everyday, and probably eat relatively normal food while there. My kids may be able to visit after a few days.

I had some periods of anger and "why me?" today. Every patient in ICU was old and looked sick. I'm not old and I don't look sick. I'm extremely happy that the aneurysm was found and can be repaired. I know that if I didn't have the surgery, my aorta would eventually dissect and possibly rupture. Of course, this is a very bad thing. So I'm very very lucky that this was found when it was. It doesn't make the whole experience easy or less scary, though. I wonder how I will get through the first few days in the hopsital. I really have no choice but to get through the next few days, as scary and uncomfortable as they will be.