Good days and bad days. I know, I know. But I'm feeling frustrated. I'm sooo not a good patient. Or maybe to some, I'm a great patient. I'm very BAD at asking for help or for someone to do something. I'm also very bad at sitting around. I'm so bored during the day just hanging out and doing very little. It's making me irritable and irritating to others. I'm frustrated that I have difficulty asking for things. I'm frustrated that people around me cannot read my mind. I'm frustrated that I cannot pick up my kids, play with them in the backyard, lift my daughter into her crib, high chair or changing table. I'm very frustrated that plans for a summer visiting friends and family are now shot to heck. I'm tired because I can't get comfortable in bed and I'm frustrated that the giant, poofy recliner that Marlo rented for me to sleep in is actually more uncomfortable than the bed. I feel like an invalid when I can't slide open the heavy patio door or lift a full gallon of milk without feeling like my chest is going to split open. I feel cranky when looking at the dark lines of sticky residue from the miles of tape that covered things on my body.
Everything I've read about open heart surgery recovery and everything people tell me says that I'll have good days and bad days. Physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually, all that. I know. I know we all need to settle into some type of routine here at home and that I need to get over it and just ask for help when I need it. At the hopsital, the nurses told me to measure progress by week, not day. It's been one week since my surgery. Physically, I'm feeling a million times better today than I did last week at this time. I know that at the end of this week, I'll feel better.
Ok Girl, glad you are venting and I hope the blog is helping you emotionally. I'm totally the same way, it seems more trouble to stop and ask someone to do a simple task when in your mind you feel like you could just lift your hand and do it yourself. I get it! BTW, were you a middle child?
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are doing well though. Do you need some magazines or a good book? Let me know. I've got tons.
Also, shake off the frustration...it will most definately rub-off on your family and you don't want to be yelling at each other while you are recovering from Open Heart Surgery! Give yourself some credit it has only been a week. I am so glad you are doing well though.